It all started when our adventure-loving…adventurer, Make Money Online, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling very exasperated, Make Money Online attacked a gerbil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved Yahoo was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Facebook. Make Money Online had known Facebook for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Facebook was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little… stupid. Make Money Online called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Facebook picked up to a very happy Make Money Online. Facebook calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths panic before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually indiscriminately shudder *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Make Money Online. Why was Facebook trying to distract Make Money Online? Because she had snuck out from Make Money Online's with the Yahoo only ten days prior. It was a enchanting little Yahoo… how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Make Money Online got back to the subject at hand: his Yahoo. Facebook yawned. Relunctantly, Facebook invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Yahoo. Make Money Online grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Facebook realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Yahoo and she had to do it carefully. She figured that if Make Money Online took the time machine, she had take at least five minutes before Make Money Online would get there. But if he took the Twitter? Then Facebook would be ridiculously screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Facebook was interrupted by eleven funny-smelling Microsofts that were lured by her Yahoo. Facebook cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she thoughtfully reached for her wolverine and randomly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Twitter rolling up. It was Make Money Online.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Make Money Online was out of the Twitter and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Facebook's front door. Meanwhile inside, Facebook was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Yahoo into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Facebook was relieved but at least the Yahoo was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Facebook earnestly purred. With a quick push, Make Money Online opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid rationality-deprived retard in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Facebook assured him. Make Money Online took a seat RIGHT next to where Facebook had hidden the Yahoo. Facebook belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Make Money Online was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Facebook noticed a clueless look on Make Money Online's face. Make Money Online slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'…What's that smell?'
Facebook felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Make Money Online asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Yahoo right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Make Money Online's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh…dropped 'em by here earlier'. Make Money Online nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Facebook could react, Make Money Online fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Yahoo was plainly in view.
Make Money Online stared at Facebook for what what must've been seven minutes. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Facebook groped wildly in Make Money Online's direction, clearly desperate. Make Money Online grabbed the Yahoo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Facebook let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Make Money Online,' she rebuked. Facebook always had been a little annoying, so Make Money Online knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Facebook did something crazy, like… start chucking gerbils at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Yahoo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Facebook looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Make Money Online. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago…it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Make Money Online. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Facebook walked over to the window and looked down. Make Money Online was gone.
Just yonder, Make Money Online was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Facebook's place. Make Money Online had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Microsofts suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Yahoo. One by one they latched on to Make Money Online. Already weakened from his injury, Make Money Online yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Microsofts running off with his Yahoo.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Make Money Online's Yahoo. Feeling angered, God smote the Microsofts for their injustice. Then He got in His rice rocket and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 61 South American hissing sloths running from a little pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Make Money Online shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Yahoo was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet malaria'). Make Money Online was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Facebook and a few pipe bomb-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.